i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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