She's JV to your varsity
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
