She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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