it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
