Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
