What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
