I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
