in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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