As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
