Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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