I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize