I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
