You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
