As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
