i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
