There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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