My cat gives me a boner
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
