yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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