I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
