Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
