You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize