we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
