Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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