I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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