My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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