he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
