What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
