I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
