I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize