I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
