if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
