My room smells like vodka and shame
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
