I think I died a long time ago.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
