I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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