If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
