Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He shit in the fireplace
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
