is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
