Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
