I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
