if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
