one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
