final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
