Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
