my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
