he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
