My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
