you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
