This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
