I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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