3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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