If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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