see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
