I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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