Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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