R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
