Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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