Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
