you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
