I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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