i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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