Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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