I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
