Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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