in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is my gift to your gina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
