I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
