CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
