Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize