I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I still have a little drunk in my system
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
