I have demons in me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
