I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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